*IF* you've *NEVER* experienced my life- you really don't have a right to give your opinions on it.

alright.. so i'm positive that some of my "friends" who read my blog- assume that i'm just over exaggerating the shit i say my mom did to me. why do they think that? because they've NEVER personally had to deal with things like their own mom holding them up when they were infants and their dads also NEVER kicked their moms- well, i took the damage this kick (to my mom's satisfaction- which is exactly why she held me up to block his kicks like a damn shield). the TWO surgeries on my bowel prove it. i remember after my last surgery, i looked up on google, "how does a bowel get blocked?" it said, "trauma to the abdomen area or if the person is turning". i was sitting at my computer, not even turning, when my abdomen felt like something was kicking inside of it repeatedly. no one cares about all the damn pain i've had to go through on account of her selfish ass feeling like she should bring me into the quarrel with my dad since no one did anything about him beating on my mom. so she accomplished getting my grandpa pissed off because my dad kicked me and i'm pretty sure that's when my grandpa chased my dad to mexico- i never seen him again and i was told he died in a drug trading accident with the cartels in mexico by my brother who was told by someone he was doing a welding job for a while ago. i have to keep reminding myself that my "friends" are just some people who have never had to experience this abuse or any abuse for that matter- so they don't know how it feels, so their opinions have absolutely NO affect on me or my situation at all because they obviously don't know or CARE how it feels.) i've had to deal with a family who just enables my mom's neglect and abuse ALL my life (i'm pretty sure that's also why my grandparents stepped in and tried to take care of my brother and i as much as possible when they were alive- they seen my mom wasn't capable of being a loving parent when there wasn't a benefit for her). with all that said- she provides to be an example of everything to AVOID being/doing. that actually motivated me not to just sit in my fucking wheelchair and act helpless because i KNOW that's what my mom would've done if she was in my situation. proof you ask? when my mom was told she had something wrong with her because my grandma had my mom as a nuchal chord baby. so my mom assumed she could go through life acting like she couldn't do anything and she likes playing victim- so this is perfect for her. some of my so-called friends are probably acting like i'm over exaggerating and i should be more understanding to my elders. lemme ask those same "friends" this- HAS YOUR PARENTS EVER BEEN THE CAUSE OF AT LEAST TWO OF YOUR SURGERIES IN LIFE (SO FAR)? no? right. can it. you have absolutely no right to make judgments or opinions on me. same goes to my so-called "caring" relatives who were taught to just condone this shit and it'll go away! did my bowel problems go away after just "sweeping this under the rug"?! i wish. my mom doesn't deserve ANYTHING from me. she's never told me about this situation in my whole life. probably because she's ashamed of her reaction to my dad kicking her and she would've never been able to handle my reaction to this knowledge.. i had to piece all this information together MYSELF. i distinctly remember my grandma saying under her breath after i had my first perforated bowel surgery and the doctors asked her if i had been involved in anything that would have put trauma to my stomach region, "well.. stacy may have been kicked in a fight but it's nothing serious. her mom tried to turn away frøm him when he was kicking her." so my grandma basically condoned this shitty parenting and was trying to make excuses for her precious daughter. so to my "friends" and "family" that are rolling their eyes or thinking skeptically because no one could ever be this evil- YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION ON THINGS YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED YOURSELF. i'm pretty sure that's also the reason why i was diagnosed with ptsd. the psychologists assumed i had ptsd after the car accident i was in, they even tested me MANY times at gillette a long time ago.. i never had ANY symptoms until i recently had my last blocked bowel surgery when i had dreams flashing back to being KICKED by my dad because MY MOM felt like it was wise to use my body as a shield when my dad was kicking my narcissistic mother. then we have "FRIENDS" who don't even fuckin care about me acting like i'm lying or overexaggerating. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE BEFORE- DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY LESS TRAUMATIZING TO ME. oh look! ANOTHER reason why i need to gtfo of this state! just hope i don't get so swept up in my anxiety again, so i don't do crazy shit again that will kill me this time. it'd probably be easier to guarantee that won't happen the FURTHER i get away from the mom from hell. she's a spawn of satan falsely wearing a cross around her neck to fool people that she's actually a good person.